An End To A Beginning

There is a sweetness in looking back over the past year. It reveals small glimpses of His glory. Like Moses at Mount Sinai, our unveiled stories continue to reflect the radiance of God’s presence and illuminate our transformation from one degree of glory to another. The more we pursue growth in our knowledge of Christ, the more he is revealed in our lives. It’s a messy process but it is worth the cost. If there is one thing I am sure of through this journey, it’s that His presence has never left me, He disciplines out of love, He continuously pursues me, and in Him I find rest. In this season my character is still being forged in the heat of the desert. I know that there is milk and honey on the other side but I have to be ready to fight for it just like the Israelites. This is Him preparing me for it.

Before I came to Ten Thousand Homes, I had already learned about my identity, gifts and design, the father’s heart, and walked through forgiveness and reconciliation. Those weren’t necessarily break through conversations for me. I honestly questioned what He had for me in the beginning because I expected the life changing lessons to come in the form of a classroom style teaching. He had bigger plans of turning my head knowledge into heart knowledge by walking out the truths I hold deep in my core. Relationships, communication, conflict, obedience, submission, pride are all uncomfortable, exhausting, and even painful to choose into. In the moments it’s hard to see how God could possibly be working for my good in those situations and circumstances. I had little grace and understanding for people and couldn’t communicate in a way to break through the walls that I allowed to be there.

God hit me fast and hard, shattering any expectations, comfort, and life reserves that I would seek after for safety from the inner storm he was brewing in me. He knocked out all boundaries so that I had absolutely nothing to cling to except him this entire year. Having friends leave the ministry, mentors leave, my role changed, not being understood and misunderstanding others, brought me into a season of isolation that God had ordained. It’s in those seasons that God works on our character and changes us on the inside. In the process of it, all I could see was a serious of negative events.

When I was in high school I took a photography class where we learned how to develop the negatives from a roll of film. The negative was a single shot, a moment in time, a still frame, capturing the pivotal point of your attention. We examined it and made a choice of whether or not to develop it through a long process of exposure to hard chemicals in order to create something beautiful and whole. Like hardships and struggles in life, darkness was always the first part of the picture to appear. That was the moment God was asking if I would choose into it, to learn and to grow. Would I choose to become stronger and be transformed into the image of Christ or would I resist and miss out on him developing the potential in me?

One of my favorite authors wrote; "I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently. Only the good stories have the characters different at the end than they were at the beginning.” This is what he was asking from me. God spoke to me a lot about who he has created me to be, what my strengths are, why I respond in a certain way, and how to be aware of when I’m walking in my weaknesses. More importantly He spoke on how to stand confidently transparent so that He can shine through the not so put together places in my life. The more real I got with Him, the more I realize that I have been aiming for a mark that is less that what he wants for me. I have chosen when I wanted to respond out of His love, limiting the power of influence he has given me. I responded out of the flesh because it was more comfortable and that is what others around me were doing.

I have always been a very independent, strong, grounded women who has been pretty content with life looking different than most of the people around me. What I didn’t realize is that this pride was preventing me from seeing a deeper level of change God was expecting from me. The more I sought Him, the more I heard Him asking me to lay down my rights and to be obedient with my actions. He was sweetly calling me to seek him on a deeper level and to walk out what I already knew was the key to impacting others around me.

In those months of seeking understanding, I felt God say; “I want to do a lasting work in you, I’m allowing this to happen. You have pride and lack joy, your contentment is based on your circumstances and not me. I’ve given you a gift, a gift that you need to press into me to discover. You have what it takes and it’s time to start walking with faithfulness, honoring your authority, and developing the negatives into a beautiful picture. It’s a picture of my love through your life, every person you encounter is someone I’ve entrusted to you. I want you to be intentional, don’t grow weary, push through the surface and dig deep, that’s where the relationship are and those are the type of relationships I have designed you for. Don’t give up because it’s going to be hard. You will persevere because I have designed you with a vulnerable strength. You are a gem that is pressed and exposed only to soon be revealed as a beautiful, authentic, one of a kind strength. Start walking in humility and choose joy. Seek me and find peace. Seek me and find clarity. Seek me and be known. Seek me to persevere.”

This entire year was a process of open handedly, submitting things back into His hands. Asking him to speak to me on a personal level and trying to keep my focus on Him. I learned to “not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.” (2 Corinthians 2:11) This was a hard one because it is easy to become distracted by our circumstances and the people that rub against us.  In every situation, God has called me to be obedient in laying down my rights of being right and being heard, in order for me to see the bigger picture of what God is really doing in and through, those involved. When I regained my focus, the negative wasn’t so overwhelming. He taught me about choices. We can become just as angry, bitter, complacent, and ineffective in our broken communities or we can choose joy. We can see the hurt and chaos and either be broken by it and forget God’s truths or be moved to stand firm trusting in God who intends good and be the constant light in the darkest of places.

 I have been faced with endless challenges that have pushed me to a deeper level of trusting in the sovereignty of my Father. It hasn’t been easy to say the least. I have felt misunderstood, incompetent, alone, and overwhelmed. But it’s part of God cleansing our palates from desiring anything but Him. He is breaking me in just the right place, so that I may know what it means to be led by the spirit and to walk in the wisdom that only He provides. This time and season has been ordained by the very one who is chiseling off pride and bitterness. He is smoothing out the rough edges and carving me into the image of his love. You can count on pain when God is doing something big in you, at least that’s what I have been experiencing. There has been more resistance than I would like to admit and I have definitely slammed on the brakes a couple times. Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I can be stubborn and hard headed. It takes a while for me to change my mind but once I do I am normally all in. Even though I haven’t been walking it out well, I think I am finally to the point of being willing to listen and to grow.

He has allowed others to speak life and truth into me and has helped me to be vulnerable enough to see the truth in the midst of chaos. There is beauty that radiates in the experiences of others. It’s called God’s glory. It is in those rays that lives are impacted and more stories unfold. By embracing what God is doing in me, I am starting to see the direction he is calling me to. When we trust in the sovereignty of God, the fruits of the spirit produced by the trials and tears from our stories shine upon our unveiled faces. It’s the purest form of our active God pursuing us with an unquenchable love. Soon I will be ready to cross over and fight for the promises He has proclaimed, but I’m not done being trained. He isn’t finished changing me yet. It was an unexpected change but one that I am thankful for as its sweet aroma lingers in the air. My time at Ten Thousand Homes has finally come to an end. As I look back on everything that I have been through and have learned, I can move forward confidently, knowing that my time was significant and that my story doesn’t end here. It’s just begun.

The Story Behind The Eyes

If her eyes could tell you her story, what would they say?

Would you see the God prints in the reflection of each struggle as He slowly breaks down her man made walls of protection?

Would you see her deep longing to understand forgiveness beyond words on a page?

It took over a week for her to even trust me with a small part of her story. She began with the events that led to her arrival at Sure 24. Every day she would go to the dumpsite to search through the spoiled trash hoping to find something edible to eat. That’s where she found out who Sammy was and that he took in street kids who desired to go back to school. She was only 12 at the time.

A few years prior, the neighbors called the police on her father for beating her brother. The next morning he was found dead, the father was gone, her mom was arrested. She was left alone with her siblings in the house. Her aunt took her in but wouldn’t feed her and told her she wasn’t her child so she wouldn’t pay for her to go to school. Sometimes she would get locked out of the house because she didn’t bring in enough money to compensate for the burden she was and would be forced to sleep outside. Her parents were finally released but weren't able to take care of her so she stayed with her aunt.

The more she spoke the lower the walls became.

It was the first time she had shared her story to anyone besides the social worker at Sure 24. She spoke about the struggle of letting go, of choosing to love and forgive her aunt, and how it seemed impossible to bring reconciliation. It's hard setting aside all the hurt especially when it is a result of injustice. I could see it in her eyes, past the hurt and the pain, that God was stirring in her a vision of freedom through the door of forgiveness. It reminded me of my long and treacherous journey in the wilderness as I searched for the place flowing of milk and honey.

In that moment, God reminded me that our stories are meant to be shared with each other, to be interwoven, strengthening the larger picture of God’s redeeming glory like a beautiful tapestry. The things we go through connect us to one another, they speak life, and shine truth in our darkest doubts. It's hard to share sometimes, especially when we know the path cannot be seen except by the one beckoning us to follow. But we share anyway believing that He will carry us through.

So we press in when it gets hard and stand firm, expectant that He will work for the good of those who love him.  We share our struggles, hurts, burdens, laughter, and joy with one another adding one thread at a time.  Some threads in the tapestry tell of God’s faithfulness, others of love and compassion, mine was the passage to forgiveness. In each one there is a life altering, glory glimpsing, and love soaked richness of the God who is actively pursuing each one of us.

Our stories hold the power to change lives because they exude hope and press us onward to abundant living.

If you allowed your man made walls to fall, what will your story tell?

To The Ones Who Have Gone Before Me

My life has been twisted and turned upside down the past couple months. Friends have left to follow God’s calling in the next season of their lives, my role and responsibilities have changed, and I have been faced with endless challenges that have pushed me to a deeper level of trusting in the sovereignty of my Father.

It hasn’t been easy to say the least. I have felt misunderstood, incompetent, alone, and overwhelmed. But it’s in the heat of the desert that God forges character. He is breaking me in just the right place, so that I may know what it means to be led by the spirit and to walk in the wisdom that only he provides. This time and season has been ordained by the very one who is chiseling off pride and bitterness. Who is smoothing out the rough edges and carving me into the image of his love. You can count on pain when God is doing something big in you, at least that’s what I have been experiencing. There has been more resistance than I would like to admit and I have definitely slammed on the brakes a couple times. Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I can be stubborn and hard headed. It takes a while for me to change my mind but once I do I am normally all in. Even though I haven’t been walking it out well, I think I am finally to the point of being willing to listen and to grow.

So I would like to say thank you to the ones who have gone before me. You have spoken life and truth into me and has allowed me to be vulnerable enough to see the truth in the midst of chaos. There is beauty that radiates in the experiences of others. It’s called God’s glory. It is in those rays that lives are impacted and more stories unfold.

By embracing what God is doing in me, I have had the privilege to lead tea time in Dwaleni and Embonisweni. Because of the hard work and trust built by those before me, my team is able to speak into the lives of these ladies. The women have learned to think, hope, and to DREAM in a land that had once held their future in chains.

 

 

 

 

In Dwaleni, the ladies are hungry for God’s word and desire to learn what it means to work in unity as they serve their own community.

 In Embonisweni, the ladies are being taught how to sew on a sewing machine by a lady named Gloria who lives on the back side of their community. Gloria’s dream is to open her own boutique and to teach ladies how to sew. The most joyful thing is watching dreams merge together by the grace of God. The only thing I did was give Gloria a ride.

 

 

                                           

 

It’s crazy what can happen when we decide to stop resisting God and partake in His Story.

So thank you to the one who taught Gloria how to sew.

Thank you to the ones who have spoken life and built trust with the women I now hold dear to my heart.

And thank you to those who have gone before me, who trusted in the sovereignty of God so that I may see the fruits of the spirit produced by the trials and tears from your stories.

Walking It Out

As we pulled into Dwaleni, the children came rushing toward the cars. There were more kids than usual and they pushed and shoved each other out of the way so they could be the first to greet us as we stepped out.

 

I was of course greeted first by Jabulile, a bright and beautiful 10 year old girl. This little girl carries more influence than she even realizes. The other girls follow suit to whatever she decides to!

 So much attitude!

Jabulile and her friends, along with this crazy group of boys, have become the highlight of my week!



Meet Tumelo, Lungelo, Hope, and Tsako (sounds just like taco)!







 

I asked them to give me a thumbs up...translation fail lol







Tumelo teaching me how to spell his name!



The Dwaleni kids are known to be more aggressive, clingy, and will push other kids out of the way, as they desperately seek your affection. This past Wednesday rang true of these realities. Several fights broke out, including one that I had to step in and pull a child away from an older teenager who was defending his little brother.

Fighting isn’t something new, it happens all over the world between siblings, friends, and rivals. But, it wasn’t the fighting that really bothered me; it was the sneaky negative thoughts that started to steal away my focus. I felt myself starting to disengage, only noticing the negatives surrounding me. God had recently been speaking to me on a personal level about keeping my focus on Him and to “not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.” (2 Corinthians 2:11) It is hard to not become distracted by our circumstances and the people that rub against us.  In every situation, God has called me to be obedient in laying down my rights of being right and being heard, in order for me to see the bigger picture of what God is really doing in and through, those involved. When you regain your focus, the negative isn’t so overwhelming.

I think that is what God was showing me in Dwaleni. So, I immediately spoke with Angel who is in charge of the feeding program. We discussed how she felt about what she saw and what she wants for the kids, and what she wants her center to represent. It was beautiful watching her share with the kids her dreams, vision, and expectations for them. She was laying the foundation to her ministry and it rests on God's principles of caring for one another. It is just the beginning of what will be taught in her community but it is safe to say that the kids know that someone cares, that there is a safe place to go, and there are people who will listen and expect more from them because they are loved.

 

When we face things that don’t make sense or are overwhelmingly unfair, we have one of two choices. We can become just as angry, bitter, complacent, and ineffective in our broken communities. Or we can be compelled to choose JOY and stand firm trusting that God is at work and continue being a constant light in the darkest of places. What will you choose?

 

God is doing something in every circumstance, negative situation, and struggle. We may not see it at first, but we are called to stand firm on his truth, fight for those in the margins, to show his unfailing love, and to bring hope to those who are seeking in the hardest of times. This is what will change lives. This is what will change communities.

4th Of July Celebration

I realized when you tell people Happy 4th of July in South Africa (out of habit) they look at you funny. There is a slight bit of hesitation and then a courteous smile as they walk away, at least that's what happened to me at a café I was at.

 

 

 

Living on base with a mix of different cultures, we recognize a few holidays from each! I think it just gives us more opportunity to come together and celebrate as family!

 

Having a BARBAQUE instead of a BRAAI and playing cards!

So I would like to wish you a happy 4th of July from one family to another!



 We may be in South Africa in sweaters and scarfs, but we sure know how to celebrate with a boxed firework and sparklers!

 

Meet Njabulo

Two and a half years ago I fell in love with a little boy named Njabulo!

 

 

The first time I saw him, he was strutting around the feeding like he owned the place. I was instantly drawn to this crazy hot mess. I guess you could say I have a soft spot for boys like these!

 

 

 

 The next week he ended up in my group for TTH's 1st Annual Day of Royalty. I fell head over heals in love! Thursdays became my favorite day since I was able to go to the Dwaleni feeding program and spend time with this guy and his mom. 

 

          

 

  I have no idea how God packed so much personality into such a small body.

 

 

 

 

Dance Off Before Church!

 

Njabulo and his mom learning to celebrate FAMILY at Sunday lunch from Kacy!



When I came back this year at the end of March, I found out that Njabulo and his mom moved to Swaziland to be closer to her family. He wouldn't be back to visit until the school holiday in June. So I waited...and waited! And finally, he came to visit! This little man has grown up so much! It was a beautiful moment getting to see him again after so long! Even if it was just for a little while!



Choosing Obedience

My spirit longs to be free from the heaviness that I am holding on to. There is so much behind me that has filled my heart but no longer can fill my hands.

It started Sunday night when I found out a dear friend of mine set the date for her wedding. My joyful heart sunk in selfish sorrow! I've had the privilege of watching this amazing woman of God learn who she is in Christ, choose to put Him first, strive to better herself by going back to school even when her family did not support her decision, and show her kids what it means to walk in the fullness of who God created her to be. She has experienced the oppression of generational poverty and stereotypes but has chosen to persevere, breaking through the chains of her circumstances. It is heartbreaking knowing that I wont get to see her walk down the aisle in her beautiful purple dress. God's beautiful redemption story unfolding for her life and yet I don’t get to be there with her.

At our Monday morning meeting God asked me to walk in obedience…

I knew that He was asking me to be okay with not seeing the fruits of His work back home and even more importantly He was asking me to make a choice. It was time to lay down my own strength and knowledge and obediently walk in the new creation He was molding me into. I have been asked to start walking in a new role at TTH and I am not equipped for this HUGE role. He is asking me to lay down my own agendas and limitations to have free hands to receive new gifts that are needed in order to walk it out.

It's been an internal struggle learning what to do with the things I see here that make walking in obedience hard. I struggle with knowing where to start or what to do with the overwhelming need and injustice that fill the air like the oxygen we breathe. It is not fair watching a 7 year old girl be in charge of her four younger siblings while the mom is no where to be seen and it is hard trying to empower the people of God when cultural norms conflict with the Kingdom Culture.

Rarely does it make sense to me but I have the choice just like Ananias.

"10 Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” 11 And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, 12 and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” 13 But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. 14 And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” 15 But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. 16 For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” 17 So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” 18 And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; 19 and taking food, he was strengthened." Acts 9:10-19

Ananias had the choice to be obedient and go to Saul, the very man that was persecuting Christians at the time. The beautiful part of the story is that out of Ananias's obedience, Saul dedicated his life to glorifying Him and to make His name known among the nations. My prayer is that I will choose to be obedient like Ananias in the small everyday things. I pray that by choosing obedience, God will be glorified and opportunities arise to make Him known.